Thursday, June 30, 2011

I'm a horrible person

Just ask my mother-in-law.  I mean, I would have thought that'd be pretty obvious to you from reading this blog, but just in case you didn't know already, I thought I'd let you in on it.

Mikey and I started dating as seniors in high school.  At first I think his mom was happy that he had me because he had been pretty depressed to the point he had tried to get them to let him drop out of school - not because of academic issues.  I think as time went on she realized that I was not AT ALL what she would want in a daughter-in-law.  Why?  How 'bout a bulleted list of reasons for you:
  • I was, in her eyes, a wild-child in high school.  It was ridiculous to her that I went out for sports, played in the band, participated in speech and drama.  Crazy that my parents let me stay out past 9 on school nights (usually because I was still practicing something) and past 10 on weekends.  I never drank in high school, but since I went to Rated R movies, drove on the interstate, and went shopping by myself, in her eyes I could not be trusted.
  • I went to college, while she would not let her daughter, 20 at the time, walk around Wal-mart by herself.  (I'm from central Nebraska by the way...not a high crime place.)  
  • Then I got a job (crazy me) and even earned my Master's degree (waste of money in her opinion).  
  • I listen to whatever I want to on the radio.  Even, prepare to gasp, NPR (seriously...N-P-R - she didn't know if Wait! Wait! Don't tell me! was appropriate).  Mikey still only programmed country stations into his car radio when we got married.  He'd turn it to the station he really wanted to listen to and then every time he got out of the car he'd switch it back to country (not Christian or something, country) - every time.  He once forgot in high school and his mom grounded him, told him how disappointed she was in him and even asked if he was using drugs (over a radio station).  Even today if we go somewhere and take his mom he will only listen to the country stations.
  • She hates that I work (I know been over that one) and even said when my Roo was a baby that "since I worked" and "didn't want her" she'd "take her home."  Not like I'm a stripper, I teach high school for goodness sakes.
  • I use a dishwasher.  According to her they don't get dishes clean.  (After hearing this comment probably 25+ times I said, "They get cleaner than if I don't use the dishwasher - cuz they wouldn't get washed at all.")
  • We spend waaaay to much $.  She just doesn't understand how we can do it on Mikey's salary.  Apparently the fact that I get paid to teach is lost on her (and paid more than Mikey is doubly lost).
There are just waaaaaayyy too many to continue.  

There are plenty of reasons why could I dislike her.  I wasn't allowed in her house because it was "too messy" for the past decade being one. Mikey and I watched an episode of Hoarders once and he commented that his mom could be on the show (although I don't think she can be that bad - but then, I haven't been in to see it).

Another being how she makes a comment every time we see her about my size, it used to be that she didn't understand how someone as "cute and little" as her daughter couldn't find a husband while all these "big girls" get married and now how she hopes my girls stay "cute and little like their aunt."  (I actually failed to hold my tongue on this one this weekend.  When she said that I said, "Yeah, we've been feeding them lots of aspartame in hopes their growth will be stunted." She actually replied with "Oh good.")

I've worked really hard to try to be nice, even at times, going above and beyond, but still, just ask her - I'm a horrible person.  In fact you don't have to ask her, she'll tell ya.  Sure she'll do it in a passive-aggressive way, but she'll tell ya.  She'll tell you how I don't let her see my girls and I won't be there to explain how she doesn't come to our house and how we aren't allowed in hers so it's kind of hard to let her see my children.  She'll tell you how I don't care about my girls because I (gasp) work.  She'll tell you how I'm not a good wife, because I don't bow to my husband (yes we actually discuss things and make decisions together - foreign concept to her).

What she also won't tell you is that the weekend before my Pj was born she sent me a nasty text message because she had gotten into it with Mikey after he stood up for himself when she berated him about not getting to see her granddaughters.  She won't tell you that even when Mikey called her repeatedly that weekend to smooth things over, she wouldn't budge.  She won't tell you how Mikey and I argued that weekend over what to do, why she doesn't like me, how we should move to Alaska to get away from her (yes - literally move to Alaska).  She doesn't know, so she can't tell you, how I didn't sleep much that weekend, how upset I was and how I went into early labor.   That all of this happened.  She will also not tell you how she showed up at the hospital and acted like nothing happened and has continued to act like that since then.

While I know that I shouldn't blame her for probably not being able to have more kids, part of me does and probably always will.

When I first started this blog I had a similar post and I had a couple of commentors say things like "hope she doesn't read this" and encouraging me to take it down - which I did.  I actually, in my own passive-aggressive way, hope she does read this.  I hope she can read this and see just how "horrible" I am.  I'm just so tired of being around her and trying so hard to be nice and make her happy and then having her turn around and talk crap about me and make little digs to me.

See the thing is, I'm proud of who I am.  I'm a good mother, wife and teacher.  I take care of people around me and don't only think of myself.  I take responsibility for my life and don't blame everything that goes wrong for me on others. 

At the end of the day I'll take all of that over being a good daughter-in-law in her eyes.


Jen K. said...

You know what Laura? IT'S HER LOSS. You are an amazing person. You are strong, you connect with your students, you can take care of yourself, you are a great wife and mother. You are everything ALL (sane) mothers want for their sons. You are what parents want their children to grow to be. She's just a nut, and nothing is obviously going to change that.

Jen K. said...

And you know what?? If all that makes you a horrible person, then you just keep on being horrible. OWN your horribleness!

For the record, horrible people are my favorite ;)

For the Love of Naps - Sarah said...

Yikes, I am soooooo sorry that you have this to carry around with you. I am sure it impacts you in even more ways...the stress of this relationship...or lack of. Hang in there. Like Jen up above are amazing and I like your kind of horrible! hehehe!

MJW said...

I agree with Jen! I'm not there to see you be an awesome mom but I know you are. How you talk about your children, the photos you take of them and the love you provide for them! That stinks that she treats you like this! All you can do is pray about it. Maybe someday it will get better! :)

Hope you and your family have a Happy 4th of July!!

MJW said...
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Robyn said...

Um yeah, I just don't like my soon to be exfather in law. I cannot fathom dealing with someone like that. Hold your head up Girl, she is not worth the worry since she seems like one of those people who will never change her mind.

Rebecca @ Unexplained X2 said...

Family...the other f-word.

This really sucks for you, but thank God you're not one of those people who live through other people's opinions of you! That would really suck if you believed everything she said about you, right? *That's* probably why her poor daughter (as small as she is) can't find a husband...she's probably believing all of that stuff coming out of her mother's mouth!

Jenny said...

You are amazing....don't let anyone convince you otherwise!