Thursday, June 30, 2011

I'm a horrible person

Just ask my mother-in-law.  I mean, I would have thought that'd be pretty obvious to you from reading this blog, but just in case you didn't know already, I thought I'd let you in on it.

Mikey and I started dating as seniors in high school.  At first I think his mom was happy that he had me because he had been pretty depressed to the point he had tried to get them to let him drop out of school - not because of academic issues.  I think as time went on she realized that I was not AT ALL what she would want in a daughter-in-law.  Why?  How 'bout a bulleted list of reasons for you:
  • I was, in her eyes, a wild-child in high school.  It was ridiculous to her that I went out for sports, played in the band, participated in speech and drama.  Crazy that my parents let me stay out past 9 on school nights (usually because I was still practicing something) and past 10 on weekends.  I never drank in high school, but since I went to Rated R movies, drove on the interstate, and went shopping by myself, in her eyes I could not be trusted.
  • I went to college, while she would not let her daughter, 20 at the time, walk around Wal-mart by herself.  (I'm from central Nebraska by the way...not a high crime place.)  
  • Then I got a job (crazy me) and even earned my Master's degree (waste of money in her opinion).  
  • I listen to whatever I want to on the radio.  Even, prepare to gasp, NPR (seriously...N-P-R - she didn't know if Wait! Wait! Don't tell me! was appropriate).  Mikey still only programmed country stations into his car radio when we got married.  He'd turn it to the station he really wanted to listen to and then every time he got out of the car he'd switch it back to country (not Christian or something, country) - every time.  He once forgot in high school and his mom grounded him, told him how disappointed she was in him and even asked if he was using drugs (over a radio station).  Even today if we go somewhere and take his mom he will only listen to the country stations.
  • She hates that I work (I know been over that one) and even said when my Roo was a baby that "since I worked" and "didn't want her" she'd "take her home."  Not like I'm a stripper, I teach high school for goodness sakes.
  • I use a dishwasher.  According to her they don't get dishes clean.  (After hearing this comment probably 25+ times I said, "They get cleaner than if I don't use the dishwasher - cuz they wouldn't get washed at all.")
  • We spend waaaay to much $.  She just doesn't understand how we can do it on Mikey's salary.  Apparently the fact that I get paid to teach is lost on her (and paid more than Mikey is doubly lost).
There are just waaaaaayyy too many to continue.  

There are plenty of reasons why could I dislike her.  I wasn't allowed in her house because it was "too messy" for the past decade being one. Mikey and I watched an episode of Hoarders once and he commented that his mom could be on the show (although I don't think she can be that bad - but then, I haven't been in to see it).

Another being how she makes a comment every time we see her about my size, it used to be that she didn't understand how someone as "cute and little" as her daughter couldn't find a husband while all these "big girls" get married and now how she hopes my girls stay "cute and little like their aunt."  (I actually failed to hold my tongue on this one this weekend.  When she said that I said, "Yeah, we've been feeding them lots of aspartame in hopes their growth will be stunted." She actually replied with "Oh good.")

I've worked really hard to try to be nice, even at times, going above and beyond, but still, just ask her - I'm a horrible person.  In fact you don't have to ask her, she'll tell ya.  Sure she'll do it in a passive-aggressive way, but she'll tell ya.  She'll tell you how I don't let her see my girls and I won't be there to explain how she doesn't come to our house and how we aren't allowed in hers so it's kind of hard to let her see my children.  She'll tell you how I don't care about my girls because I (gasp) work.  She'll tell you how I'm not a good wife, because I don't bow to my husband (yes we actually discuss things and make decisions together - foreign concept to her).

What she also won't tell you is that the weekend before my Pj was born she sent me a nasty text message because she had gotten into it with Mikey after he stood up for himself when she berated him about not getting to see her granddaughters.  She won't tell you that even when Mikey called her repeatedly that weekend to smooth things over, she wouldn't budge.  She won't tell you how Mikey and I argued that weekend over what to do, why she doesn't like me, how we should move to Alaska to get away from her (yes - literally move to Alaska).  She doesn't know, so she can't tell you, how I didn't sleep much that weekend, how upset I was and how I went into early labor.   That all of this happened.  She will also not tell you how she showed up at the hospital and acted like nothing happened and has continued to act like that since then.

While I know that I shouldn't blame her for probably not being able to have more kids, part of me does and probably always will.

When I first started this blog I had a similar post and I had a couple of commentors say things like "hope she doesn't read this" and encouraging me to take it down - which I did.  I actually, in my own passive-aggressive way, hope she does read this.  I hope she can read this and see just how "horrible" I am.  I'm just so tired of being around her and trying so hard to be nice and make her happy and then having her turn around and talk crap about me and make little digs to me.

See the thing is, I'm proud of who I am.  I'm a good mother, wife and teacher.  I take care of people around me and don't only think of myself.  I take responsibility for my life and don't blame everything that goes wrong for me on others. 

At the end of the day I'll take all of that over being a good daughter-in-law in her eyes.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

10 Tuesdays of Me - 8 Fears

Today is my 8 fears.  I'm not sure I have 8 so I'll see what I can do...

  1. I fear anything bad happening to my children. 
  2. I fear that something is wrong with Pj fairly often and that we will realize it or figure it out when it is too late to actually help her.
  3. I fear that my girls will care when they get picked on in school.  I guess I kinda see being teased as inevitable.  I didn't really care when I got teased in school for the most part (I don't know if that is due to self-esteem or introversion), but I did have a few people who were pretty horrible to me.  I just hope my girls don't care and can avoid people like that.
  4. I fear that something will happen to Mikey (generally this is a car accident) and I will be alone with the girls.
  5. I also fear that Mikey's mom will finally convince him that I'm a horrible person and he will leave me. :(  While I know this one won't happen, it's still a worry and something I dream (or should I say nightmare) about occasionally.
  6. I fear losing my parents - hard to deal with them getting older (not that 60 is anywhere near old)
  7. I fear my sister - she is a great person, but I also tend to fear pissing her off and often walk on egg shells and go out of my way to make her happy.  Unfortunately sometimes all my work to make her happy blows up in my face.
  8. And a trivial one...I'm afraid of heights.  Ridiculous for a person of my height (6'), but I am for some odd reason.  Even standing on a chair can make me dizzy.

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Roo is 3!

Roo's 3rd birthday was last Friday (I'm a little behind posting this).  We asked her what she wanted for her birthday and she said camping, so we planned another weekend camping with my parents.   We tried to explain that she could get something new for her birthday, something she wanted.  Roo doesn't seem to "want" things though.  Maybe that means we give her too much stuff.  She wants to DO things, but she doesn't want stuff.

Anyway, the games to her iXL, which rocks by the way, were 1/2 off so we bought two of those.  She happened to see them so that is what she started asking for.  I'm not sure if she thought she could only ask for things we already had or what.  We did put those on her game for her.

The other thing we got her was a new bike.  We had looked at about 10 at garage sales and they were all in pretty sad shape - broken seats, broken training wheels, really rusty, etc.  So Mikey went to the store and found what he deemed the perfect bike that she would love always.  It was pretty cute how excited he was about it.

Overall she loved going camping, but really didn't seem to "get it" that is was her birthday.  She loves hanging out with her grandma and grandpa so I think that was nice for her.  It's funny how if they don't see each other weekly both the grandparents and Roo act like they've been separated forever.

Friday, June 24, 2011


  • I sometimes use the blog to post about my frustrations.  Then I decide I probably shouldn't and delete them.  I refer to them as a my self-destructing posts.  I am somewhat tempted to start a completely anonymous blog where I can crab away.
  • Roo loves to play "tornado," in which we put on our shoes and jackets, put Pj in her carseat and gather things in the laundry room (our most interior room).  I, on the other hand, HATE when we have to do this because I worry that our laundry room is not going to protect us from the tornado - plus I'm not playing.
  • Speaking of tornadoes, my cousin is now somewhat famous round these parts for diving in a pit under a windmill to escape one.  He was on all the local news channels and made the front page of a couple of papers.  Kinda funny though b/c I keep thinking of Jeff Foxworthy saying, "If you have been on tv explaining how you outran a might be a redneck."
  • Took Pj to her 4 month check-up yesterday.  She's a chub, but the dr said she doing great.  I'm just waiting for the mother-in-law to comment on the chubness.  (yeah, that one will probably explode...)
  • This summer is going too fast for me.  I have waaaaayyyy too much I wanted to do for school, but can't seem to do when I could be cuddling and playing with my little ladies.
Head over to Danifred's and check the other leftovers.

    10 Tuesdays of Me! - 9 Loves

    Along with Kim and others I'm doing 10 Tuesdays of Me.  Today is 9 Loves.

    I'm not going to put the obvious ones of my Mikey and my girls, my family and my friends.  I think it goes without saying that they are my loves above all else and I don't think I can put them on a list with more trivial things.

    So here goes (in particular order)

    1. Our camper.  I love camping, love being outside and going for walks and grilling and not being busy doing all the household stuff we have to do at home. 
    2. My job.  Really, where else could I work where I get to tell people all the things I know about history, geography, the government and economics?  Thinking that'd get annoying as a checker at Wal-mart.  Plus as annoying as most teenagers can be, adults can be worse. 
    3. Pepsi.  I love pepsi.  I shouldn't - it doesn't love me and is probably a good part of my current weight woes, but I love it none the less.  The taste, the bubbles - all of it.
    4. TV.  I love TV and think a lot of what I know comes from TV.   I particularly enjoy anything with the court system.  
    5. My DVR - enhances my love of TV.
    6. My laptop - although I am wondering if my love of this will decrease when I have my new shiny iPad.
    7. Nebraska sunsets and sunrises.  They are gorgeous!  
    8. My camera.  A good camera snob would tell you how it's not really a "professional" camera, but I'm not a professional photog so it works for me.  I'm thinking when I land that spot at NatGeo they'll buy me some "professional" equipment.
    9. Amazon.  I'm not a big fan of shopping, but I love my amazon with 2 day shipping.   (Thank you amazon-mom)
    *No idea why this didn't post Tuesday.  Sorry about that...*

    Wednesday, June 15, 2011

    10 Tuesdays of Me! - Day 1, part 2

    If you missed yesterday's post I posted 4 of 10 secrets about myself.  Thank goodness we are doing this every Tuesday instead of 10 days straight or I'd be outta luck.

    So here's my secrets du jour:

    6.  I often tell Mikey something took me forever so that he doesn't get ticked that I spent some time on the internet or doing some other non-crucial thing.  I may be doing this right now...these darn clothes of the girls are just so time consuming to fold... ;)

    5.  I stalk some of my student's facebook pages.  They don't have their pages set to private so I can see their walls and such.  Pretty interesting stuff sometimes, but has also allowed me to ask some kids if everything's okay.  I will deny, deny, deny if anyone asks me about this though.

    4.  **kaboom**

    3.  I still sleep with a blankie.  However, I have a theory that there are many others like me that still have a "comfort item" they sleep with.

    2. I sometimes fib about what I watch on TV.  Since I'm a history teacher people often think I watch a lot of the History Channel, which I do, so I just go with that.  But the truth is that I mostly watch shows on USA and TNT as well as the People's Court, which I dvr.

    1. I could easily go all summer without talking to my friends that I teach with.  Horrible again I know.  I'm pretty sure the one I am closest too would agree though.  Just like to be to ourselves in the summer.

    Wow!  I can't believe I really came up with 10 secrets.  I really don't have a lot of secrets or I'm not willing to share them I guess.

    I will say that a lot of people tell me secrets (or seems like a lot anyway).  I also think it's crazy how many people tell me secrets and then tell me they are surprised that I didn't tell anyone.  I never understand this comment.  If a person tells me not to tell anyone, I don't (with the exception of if I think someone needs some help). I kinda figure the people surprised that I didn't tell are not the people to be telling my secrets to...guess I reserve that role for any of you reading my blog right now.

    Tuesday, June 14, 2011

    10 Tuesdays of Me! - Day 1, part 1

    You my lucky reader are in for a treat!  I am going to spend 10 posts talking about me - aren't you in for a treat!  And if you buy that I have some great ocean front property to sell you just down the street...right here in beautiful Nebraska!

    I got the idea from the newest blog I'm following over at Our Life - Unscripted.   Instead of doing 10 straight days, she is splitting it into 10 Tuesday and that sounded like a great idea to me.  I've been struggling to blog so I hope I'm up for the challenge.

    Hmm... So 10 secrets...What do I have for ya...I'm going to try to tell you things I don't usually tell I'm going to think about it...

    10.  **kaboom**

    9.  I like to mess with the school secretary.  I know, not nice, but trust me she deserves it.  It's always small stuff and it generally gets her to get back to work faster (ahhh the power that comes with being the tech person at school).  In a sense I'm just increasing her productivity.

    8.  **kaboom**

    7.  I let Roo go outside by herself.  Yes, she's 2 and I'm horrible.  I can see her though and there is a fence around our patio.  Plus she can't be seen by anyone except maybe the neighbor, but you can't see her from the street or alley.  It's just hard to take Pj outside in the weather  so I don't.

    So I only got 4 secrets out...I'm gonna promise to finish 6 through 1 tomorrow.   Need more time to think, but wanted to get started on Tuesday.

    The Saucer

    Little Pj is 4 months old today - my little Valentine is growing up.  In honor of that I thought I'd post some pictures of her favorite past time - the saucer.

    Sometimes her time in the saucer doesn't go the best...her arm gets stuck and she can't get it up.

    It doesn't really seem to bug her though.

    Although maybe a little.

    But overall she loves looking over all of the toys.

    And even spinning this thing - which may just be a fluke that she can do it.

    Happy 4 months little girl!  But would you mind slowing down in this aging thing?  Thanks

    Friday, June 10, 2011

    FNL - These are the days of our lives

    • I actually ate leftovers tonight for supper, which reminded me I should write my bloggy leftovers.
    • The term "friend" on Facebook is, in my opinion, slowing eroding what that word really means.  I'd say I have a dozen or so "friends" who are not my friends by Webster's standards.   There are a few that if saw them in real life in the grocery store for example, I would turtle-up and avoid them at all costs.
    • Roo declared tonight that she will be referring to me as "Mom" now, not Mommy, because, in her words, she's 3 and not a baby anymore.  Then she added, "just so you know."  Interesting.  Particularly since she is only 2 until next Friday.
    • So next Friday is Roo's birthday.  We are going camping with my parents because she loves camping and I think she'll love having her birthday there.  Because of this plan, and the fact that my sister is leaving for Sweden and doesn't really have time to take a weekend day to "party" for a 3 year-old, we were going to forgo the party.  (She didn't say this, just my courtesy to her on my own.)  Unfortunately Mikey's family threw a fit last year when we were going to forgo the party for camping, so we are having them over on Sunday. Last year we just skipped the camping and had a party, but we didn't succumb quite so much this year.
    • I have at least 3 memory card readers.  Do you think I can find any of them so that I can post some pictures of my ladies?  Of course not... 

    Head over to Danifred's and enjoy the leftovers.

      Thursday, June 9, 2011

      Weekends don't feel like weekends during the summer...

      I don't think I could have a "regular" job.  If you are a teacher and reading this you might be thinking, "hey! we have 'regular' jobs! we work!" which we do, of course, but I mean a regular job where you don't get a 3 month break from the regular-ness.  Yes, we teachers (nice grammar there, eh?), do 'work' during the summer (well some of us anyway), but the fact is we get 3 months "off."  I don't think I could do a job where you don't get those 3 months off. 

      Granted, so far this summer I have only "not worked" 1-2 days each week, but it's different.  I don't have things to grade every night.  I don't have lesson plans due for the next week and technology trainings to plan.  The "regular"-ness is on hold for 3 months.

      And granted some of the things I have done this summer for "work" have not been exciting.  Today, for example, I went to a server training.  Pretty sure I prefer a full day of Dora and Backyardagins to Workgroup manager settings and the importance of DNS.  The knowledge that I will be spending several days with a label maker and 100ish computers to name doesn't exactly flip my hair back either. 

      I also often hear other teachers say things like, "we need 3 months break, we work with teenagers."  I used to agree with this, but lately after trying to "teach" adults some things, I find that I disagree with this.  Teenagers have an excuse, they are teenagers, they have "growing up" to do.  The 40 year old woman who kept "Hrmph"-ing next to me at a tech training on Tuesday should in theory be "grown up."  ((Noting here that I had great restraint when she asked me "how do you know all this stuff?" and answered with, "Oh, I've had time to explore things," instead of "I'm not a moron who refuses to learn new things because 'what we did 20 years ago worked so well.'))

      I guess I'm not sure where I'm going with this.  I'm just feeling lucky that I get "time off" even though I don't get to laze around for 3 months.   I get to get excited about what I do all year and have the precious time to explore content and resources and learn new things myself.  I get to spend hours holding my little chubby wubby Pj and hours playing colors, letters and numbers with dear Roo. 

      I have also been reminded the last few summers that while being home with my girls is wonderful, it is not easy.  It gets a little trying to  only have a little girl who doesn't speak accurate English in the vicinity.  It also gets old constantly picking up, doing laundry, making meals AND being expected to do this all perfectly because, after all, I'm "home all day."  By the end of the summer I am certainly not going to be ready leave my little ladies, but I will be ready to not be "home all day."

      So in closing, because I'm not sure what my point is exactly but a picture is worth a thousand words, I think the following pictures of dear Roo accurately show some of the difficulty of being "home all day" that is mixed with the wonderful time I have being with her and her baby sister.

      Monday, June 6, 2011

      Back again!

      I've been a horrible blogger lately.  Mostly because my little Pj has gotten big enough that I can't hold her and type at the same time.  I've been doing okay with keep some pictures updated on facebook for my family to see, but you don't really get to add your "thoughts" there so I'm truly planning to come back to blogging.  I'm going to do a little update of both girls and our summer so far. 

      Pj - 3 1/2 months

      • Pj now rolls over, but only from her tummy to her back.  She LOVES being on her back so I don't anticipate her rolling back to tummy any time soon.
      • She is becoming quite the chunker.  I've been keeping up with her pretty well on nursing, but not always so she gets the occasional bottle of formula.  
      • She has started giggling, literally giggling.  It's adorable.  I've been trying to capture it on video so I can add it here. (I know you are thinking "Yeah right you only update this every two months..." but I really have been thinking that)
      • I don't have her height/weight stats - she has her 4 month appt in a couple of weeks and I'll get the official details then.
      Roo - almost 3

      • Roo is talking up a storm.  She has been talking for a long time, but lately she's been really upping the vocabulary.  For example, she "decorates" things and says things are "ridiculous" (which I think is her way of swearing about things).  She also knows most of her animals and is really specific about them - though I have no idea where she learned them.  She told me the other morning that she planned to wear her Ariel socks and then added "just so you know."  My sister asked me how she was learning all of these, and my reply was "TV."
      • She has always been an independent little girl when it comes to playing, and this summer has been no exception.  She can keep herself entertained for hours.
      • No stats on her either - I'm going to ask at Pj's appt if they can do her too since it will be just a few days past her 3rd birthday.
      Me and Mikey
      • I've been enjoying having some free days this summer, but still haven't gotten too much time to myself away from work.  I'm hoping July will be mostly work free except for the things I want to do for my classes.
      • We have went camping a couple of times now and hope to go more this summer.  We love camping, but it's not "real" camping.  We have a camper complete with air conditioning and a bathroom.  Probably doesn't meet a lot of people's definitions of "camping," but I really don't think we'd go much if we were tentin' it.
      And finally an apology.  It seems like there are a few of you that I know because I read your blogs and feel a connection.  Lately I haven't even been commenting (see two handed issue above) and obviously haven't been updating my blog.  Kinda makes me feel like either a stalker or a friend that never shares her life.  I've had a couple of "friends" who no matter what you ask just won't share much of themselves and those people annoy me.  I'll try to stop being one of those people.

      Thanks for reading!